I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
