dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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