Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
