I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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