im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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