nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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