census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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