So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
