i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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