Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
