I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
