does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
