you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
