So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
