On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
