it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
