i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
