Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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