96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
