i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
