i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
