OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
