I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
