You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
