There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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