I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
