being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
