so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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