just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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