we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
