I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Terrible idea I love it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
