Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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