I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
