I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
