so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
