i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
