Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
