Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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