how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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