he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
