I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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