remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
