So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.