They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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