I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.