My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?