He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.