Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.