I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
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i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know