i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I love how my cats smell like pot.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
