you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
