Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
