My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
