Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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