I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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