My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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