community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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