Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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