I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
