someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
